It's flip flop season

I was once quoted as saying, “I’ll never buy an iPhone!” Never say never.

Politicians are often accused of flip flopping. I might have a career in politics then, because I recently switched to iPhone after years of being an Android advocate. I still like Android, there are some things that it does better than iOS. But it goes both ways, there are a number of things that the iPhone just excels at, more than Android based phones.

But I’m not writing this to sell you Apple products.  (or flip flops)

Change is inevitable. Changing your mind about something, or someone, does not make you a flip flopper. Especially when you receive further information that broadens your perspective.  If the saying is true, “You learn something new every day,” then we should be constantly growing, molding our perspective on almost anything.

A few years ago, I was shopping for a new motorcycle.  After some research, I thought I knew exactly what I wanted. I was completely set on getting a Harley Sportster 1200, and no one could change my mind. I reasoned that the sportster is a lightweight, fast, loud bike and I HAD to have one! I refused to listen to any of my fellow bikers’ advice, I just wanted a sportster and nothing else…That is until I actually rode one. Sure it was lightweight, but comfortable? No. But surely it was fast, right? Well, fast is certainly relative but, sadly no. It didn’t tear my face off. I gave it permission to do so but it just wasn’t up to the challenge. So, I walked away from the test ride, disappointed and perplexed. How could I have been so wrong about something I was so passionate about?

The presence of absolutes in your thinking or perspectives should give you pause. “I’ll never do blank!” “I’ll always do blank!” “That person will never change!” Really? Never? I swore I would never switch to an iPhone. I swore I would never become an atheist. I just had to have a Harley Sportster. Times change, people change, perspectives change. Don’t fear change. Don’t fear doubt either, as it can be a great ally and light the way to true beliefs.  But that’s for another entry.

Blocking is for football, not Facebook

It's 10pm, you’re curled up on the couch scrolling through your social media feed. You see puppies, babies, recipes, pictures of food, wedding/engagement pics, and grotesque amounts of selfies. The light of the TV glows in your peripheral but you’re not watching. Your eyes glaze over with boredom as your thumb continues to flick the screen of your smartphone. As you yawn and pull the blanket closer in an attempt to get comfortable, suddenly…you see it. You try to gasp but your jaw just hangs open in disgust.  Someone has posted something, something just…horrifying…something OFFENSIVE! THE HORROR! THE HUMANITY! NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

Ok, I’m being overly dramatic but the reality is this- human beings occasionally disagree. (I consulted Captain Obvious for that one, you’re welcome)  What’s your first reaction when you see something that offends you? Do you just “hrmph” and keep scrolling? Or do you declare digital war and proclaim “Death to that post! DEATH I SAY!!!”

I have actually seen people threaten to “un-friend” others if they post something that the other person finds offensive. Hang on, are we in Kindergarten? No? We’re adults you say? Could’ve fooled me. As I scroll through my newsfeed, I see many things that could be considered offensive. But the great thing about my smart phone is I can scroll past that “offensive” post faster than you can spell social justice.

If you’re passionate enough about a topic to be offended by an opposing viewpoint, then why would you un-friend/block someone who presents an idea that disagrees with yours?  Are you not passionate enough to defend your point of view? Blocking or removing your critics does nothing to silence them, it may in fact only fuel them. 

So what am I getting at here? I’m not encouraging warfare in the comments section of Facebook. I’m not telling anyone that they can’t or shouldn’t be offended by anything. I’m certainly not telling anyone what they should or shouldn’t be offended by. But I do want to encourage people to talk to one another when they disagree. Politely, with civility and grace. Don’t block, don’t un-friend, that does nothing to help your case, it only gives the appearance that you either a. can’t handle criticism, or b. you would rather say “bye Felicia” than actually engage in a constructive dialogue and defend your position.

Living in an echo chamber of self-assurance will only stunt your growth as a human being. It looks something like this- “Agree with me or we can’t be friends. Don’t you dare disagree with me or I will censor you!” If someone is spreading misinformation or bad ideology, and it offends you, engage them in constructive conversation, and bring some damn facts to back up your claim. Blocking them only serves to reaffirm their ideas, even if in their own mind. (you blocked me, so I must have been right)

Have I mentioned I love Christopher Hitchens?

‘I’m very depressed how in this country you can be told “That’s offensive” as though those two words constitute an argument.’ C. Hitchens.

(P.S.- Online harassment or cyber bullying is a different story, if someone truly is bothering you, please don’t hesitate to block the hell out of them)

I know it's almost Thanksgiving but...

I went to a "haunted house" on Halloween, which is a big step for me because I normally don't venture into them. I don't care too much for scary movies either. This one was much different however, as it was held at a church. This wasn't an actual haunted house but in fact a "hell house." If you're unfamiliar with what a hell house is, consider yourself lucky.

Before I describe my "evening in hell" if you will, I want to point out that the church that put on this production is part of a small, fringe sect of Christianity. In my experience, (almost 30 years as a believer), I can tell you, this is not at all how most Christians view the world, or at the very least they would be appalled at the methods used to "preach the gospel" at this event.

I was among the first to arrive, as I had been anticipating this event for a couple of weeks. There weren't many people waiting and I felt a bit awkward as no one from the church welcomed me. As I approached the line, I noticed something quite strange. The sign on the building, the church's sign, the one that tells you, "Hi I'm a church!" was completely covered by a black plastic covering. Wait...a church...that wants to hide the fact that it's a church? Even if it's just for that particular event, that's pretty deceitful. Apparently the verses of Matthew 10:32-33 were conveniently discarded that evening- 32"Therefore everyone who confesses Me before men, I will also confess him before My Father who is in heaven. 33 But whoever denies Me before men, I will also deny him before My Father who is in heaven." Now, I realize they weren't "denying Christ before men" but trying to cover up the fact that you're a church maybe borders on that denial just a bit?

People eventually began to show up and those in line were divided up into groups of 8. Our group was then shuffled very quickly into a small dark room where an over processed demonic sounding voice read us the rules of this hell house. (no refunds, no touching the actors etc) From there we were led into a larger pitch black room and unto a circular platform that rose a few feet above the floor. (I should mention that throughout the entire experience, whenever a scene was over and we would change rooms, we were yelled at and told to move quickly, almost as if we were part of some military drill. ) Beneath the platform were some chains and a pentagram drawn on the floor. In the corner, a reddish-orange light illuminated a dark throne. Seated on the throne was a character that I assume was meant to be Satan. He proceeded to "initiate" a man who had recently pledged his allegiance to the dark lord. In order to prove said allegiance, the man was commanded to "offer a sacrifice." At this point, the darkened room was accosted by an intense strobe light. A woman could now be seen sprawled out and bound in chains on top of the pentagram beneath us.  She writhed and screamed, desperately trying to escape her fate of becoming a satanic offering via human sacrifice. The screaming continued as the newly initiated devil worshiper prepared to commit murder. The room darkened, followed by demonic laughter.  End scene. I took a deep breath and shuddered as we entered the next room.

If I describe each scene in morbid detail, we'll be here all night and I've got studying to do so...I will attempt a brief synopsis instead. (quick side note-we were led from room to room by a host who was quite dapper-ly dressed as a demon in a suit and tie. He was fond of dark sarcasm and closed each scene with a morbid remark.)

Room 2- We see a very young single mother who can't support her newborn and is deeply depressed by the departure of the baby's father. She is then convinced by a demonic voice in her head to brutally stab her child to death. After she commits this horrible act, she turns her rage to the audience, yelling, "look what I've done! I've killed my baby!" The demonic voice convinces her to end it all, and she is handed a firearm by the demon host. A few seconds later, POP! End scene...another deep breath, another shudder. Please understand I'm not downplaying suicide or mental illness here, but the idea that every young mother who has a child out of wedlock will end up killing her baby and herself is positively ludicrous.

Room 3- A young woman is hacked to death by a man she meets on the internet. The message here seemed to be- sign up on Plenty of Fish and soon you'll be swimming with the fishes. Yeah, because no woman who went on a date with a man she just met was ever murdered by him prior to online chat rooms or Match.com.

Room 4- A young girl from a broken home is yelled at by her mother and abusive father. Mom and Dad leave the room, and we hear our friend , Mr. over processed demon voice tell the girl to kill herself. She is then handed a bottle of pills by our ever so gracious and always helpful demon host.

Room 5- The most unscientific and medically inaccurate portrayal of an abortion I have ever been subjected to. In the interest of full disclosure, I have never set foot in a women's health clinic such as Planned Parenthood before. But I'm pretty sure they aren't decorated like a scene from the movie Saw. Body parts hanging on a clothes line, blood all over the floor and what appeared to be instruments of medieval torture lying on a table. And I'm no doctor but I'm pretty sure a fetus is not able to cry out to it's mother in plain, perfect English, begging her not to go through with the procedure and screaming "I love you mommy." Fucking ignorant and disturbing if you ask me. But then again, what part of this tour hasn't been?

Room 6- "Hell"
The 8 of us are once again yelled at and rushed into the room where the last scene is played out. We are directed onto another raised platform, this one running in a semi-circle from one end of the room to another. The entire room is dimly lit with a reddish-orange glow, similar to the one from the first scene. Actors dressed as demons and using distorted voices begin to torment the characters from all the previous scenes who are now in hell. The torment continues for a few minutes until a demon that I am guessing is meant to be Satan, appears on the scene. He gives some speech about bad choices I imagine, because I can't really understand what the hell he is saying. The parts I do catch are his bigoted anti-LGBT remarks made while tormenting a young gay man who apparently "died in his sin" and will now burn forever because of who he loved. The homophobic master of hell mockingly repeats "Love wins" in between bouts of demonic laughter. Meanwhile I resist the urge to Hitchslap the fucker into the proverbial 7th circle.

Final room- Turn or burn
As I decide to avoid jail by not kicking "Satan's" Westboro ass, we are led into a small plainly lit room, much like that of a typical Sunday school room. It is there that we are told by a pastor (and I'm paraphrasing) "our goal here is not to scare you but to show you reality." Excuse me??? Reality?? Hardly my friend. Your goal was to lead people here under false pretenses, scare and disturb them through vile, albeit unrealistic depictions of heinous acts, all in an attempt to FRIGHTEN them into accepting Jesus Christ as lord. Sure sounds loving doesn't it? Sign me right up.

Maybe they forgot about this verse too-
Phillipians 4:8-9 "Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things. 9The things you have learned and received and heard and seen in me, practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you."

Maybe the church that hosted this fear-porn freak show should adopt these words as their creed-

"I will show you, all that I have mastered
 Fear. Pain. Hatred. Power!
 This is the art of ruin."

Excerpt from "Ruin" by Lamb of God
Video here

You're an Atheist?! No way!! ...Yahweh

Atheist??  What happened to you?? Are you ok??

I'm fine, actually. There was no catalyst. Nothing "bad" happened to me that caused me to say to myself, "you know, that horrible life event really was awful and I blame God so I think I'll try out that atheist thing, give being a heathen a whirl." After all, I *must* be mad at God...right?

I had a memorable childhood. Nurtured into adulthood by loving parents, I was well taken care of. My parents worked hard and always wanted what's best for us kids, perhaps even spoiled us on occasion. Summer vacations and the holidays were always my happiest of moments filled with love and laughter. Staying up late on weekends watching movies with or pestering my younger siblings, all the while laughing and building that close friendship that we now have as adults. That's not to say there wasn't strife. My father and I certainly had our differences during my teenage years. After all, hormonal, emotional adolescents are certainly the most mature, reasonable individuals who know everything!  But if there was an element that was a centerpiece in our family life, I believe it was our Christian faith.

We attended two wonderful churches while I was growing up, both of which I have fond memories of. I first got saved at a small church in north Phoenix called Phoenix First Church of the Nazarene. I met some of my first childhood friends there, and have many wonderful memories of camping trips, pizza nights, and horsing around after service while the adults finished talking.

Somewhere around age 9 we left Phoenix First to attend Glendale Nazarene Church, a place that fostered love and support and made me feel like part of a family.  I spent 14 years at Glendale. I had great Sunday School teachers who genuinely cared, and still do.  Our pastor spoke in a way that was both humorous and informative.  (Even now as a non-believer, I would still enjoy the opportunity to hear him speak.) My youth group years were a fun, rambunctious time filled with teen trips, Wednesday Night Live!, girls, pranks, Bible studies, mission trips, and late night jams with my band. Our youth pastor was real, he didn't try to fake "being cool" He was encouraging, and wanted to see us grow as people.

So how the hell did I become an Atheist?  If you had told me, a little over a year ago that I would be typing these words, I would have politely encouraged you to seek professional help! So what was it? I can't blame my childhood, I can't blame my church life...

But that's exactly the point. Not only is there no one, no entity, no catastrophic life event to blame, there is also no need, and no reason to try and place blame. Blame is something you look for when something bad happens.

Last year I set out on a journey to try and strengthen my faith in God. I felt the best way to do that was to question it. If it held up through honest unbiased scrutiny, than I was confident my love for God would not only be renewed, but bolstered and cemented. I wanted to know God was real, not just believe.

What I found instead were far more questions than answers.  Ideology and theology that has evolved to fit the culture.  Gospels that don't agree with one another on important details. A creation narrative that teaches a 6000 year old earth, when the light from some of our nearest stars would take longer than that to reach us. I could go on but my intention here is not to bash my former faith, but to tell my story. I have objections that simply cannot be answered with "You just have to have faith!"

My purpose here, with this post specifically is simply to "come out", for lack of a better term. I'm not interested in hiding my Atheism anymore.  There is too much negativity surrounding non-belief and I want to help change that. By sharing my story I hope to begin to deconstruct negative stereotypes about atheism, what it is and what it isn't.  The first step in doing that is to not hide it.

I'm not sure what kind of personality this blog will take on moving forward, but it will certainly create an outlet of honesty for me. I also hope that it will inspire a cordial dialogue where we can discuss issues openly, with fairness and dignity, respecting each others beliefs. I leave you with a quote from the late Christopher Hitchens-

“Take the risk of thinking for yourself , much more happiness , truth, beauty, and wisdom will come to you that way ..”