I'm fine, actually. There was no catalyst. Nothing "bad" happened to me that caused me to say to myself, "you know, that horrible life event really was awful and I blame God so I think I'll try out that atheist thing, give being a heathen a whirl." After all, I *must* be mad at God...right?
I had a memorable childhood. Nurtured into adulthood by loving parents, I was well taken care of. My parents worked hard and always wanted what's best for us kids, perhaps even spoiled us on occasion. Summer vacations and the holidays were always my happiest of moments filled with love and laughter. Staying up late on weekends watching movies with or pestering my younger siblings, all the while laughing and building that close friendship that we now have as adults. That's not to say there wasn't strife. My father and I certainly had our differences during my teenage years. After all, hormonal, emotional adolescents are certainly the most mature, reasonable individuals who know everything! But if there was an element that was a centerpiece in our family life, I believe it was our Christian faith.
We attended two wonderful churches while I was growing up, both of which I have fond memories of. I first got saved at a small church in north Phoenix called Phoenix First Church of the Nazarene. I met some of my first childhood friends there, and have many wonderful memories of camping trips, pizza nights, and horsing around after service while the adults finished talking.
Somewhere around age 9 we left Phoenix First to attend Glendale Nazarene Church, a place that fostered love and support and made me feel like part of a family. I spent 14 years at Glendale. I had great Sunday School teachers who genuinely cared, and still do. Our pastor spoke in a way that was both humorous and informative. (Even now as a non-believer, I would still enjoy the opportunity to hear him speak.) My youth group years were a fun, rambunctious time filled with teen trips, Wednesday Night Live!, girls, pranks, Bible studies, mission trips, and late night jams with my band. Our youth pastor was real, he didn't try to fake "being cool" He was encouraging, and wanted to see us grow as people.
So how the hell did I become an Atheist? If you had told me, a little over a year ago that I would be typing these words, I would have politely encouraged you to seek professional help! So what was it? I can't blame my childhood, I can't blame my church life...
But that's exactly the point. Not only is there no one, no entity, no catastrophic life event to blame, there is also no need, and no reason to try and place blame. Blame is something you look for when something bad happens.
Last year I set out on a journey to try and strengthen my faith in God. I felt the best way to do that was to question it. If it held up through honest unbiased scrutiny, than I was confident my love for God would not only be renewed, but bolstered and cemented. I wanted to know God was real, not just believe.
What I found instead were far more questions than answers. Ideology and theology that has evolved to fit the culture. Gospels that don't agree with one another on important details. A creation narrative that teaches a 6000 year old earth, when the light from some of our nearest stars would take longer than that to reach us. I could go on but my intention here is not to bash my former faith, but to tell my story. I have objections that simply cannot be answered with "You just have to have faith!"
My purpose here, with this post specifically is simply to "come out", for lack of a better term. I'm not interested in hiding my Atheism anymore. There is too much negativity surrounding non-belief and I want to help change that. By sharing my story I hope to begin to deconstruct negative stereotypes about atheism, what it is and what it isn't. The first step in doing that is to not hide it.
I'm not sure what kind of personality this blog will take on moving forward, but it will certainly create an outlet of honesty for me. I also hope that it will inspire a cordial dialogue where we can discuss issues openly, with fairness and dignity, respecting each others beliefs. I leave you with a quote from the late Christopher Hitchens-
“Take the risk of thinking for yourself , much more happiness , truth, beauty, and wisdom will come to you that way ..”
